militancy

I had a minor revelation last night. I spend way too much time being militant in my spare time; I'm either militantly getting things done or, on the other side of the coin, militantly doing nothing because I didn't WANT to be getting things done.

This is a recent development, because I never used to do that. I used to be able to go out and wander around and accomplish not a hell of a lot, but have fun doing it. These days I seem to go out and Get Things Done, Damn It, and then get home as soon as possible so as to Get Things Done At Home, Damn It, or Not Get Things Done At Home, Damn It.

I think it's partly due to weather, since I don't tend to go out and wander around in the winter. It's cold out in the winter and I hate being cold, so I go out and do things as expediently as I can, given public transportation, and come home and thaw out again. When it gets warmer, I get out and wander a lot more.

It's probably also partly budgetary, because I'm trying to get out of debt and go to India next year (at the same time), and I don't have a lot of mad money. One of the things I do when I wander is spend mad money on coffee, and used books, and chocolate, and things like that. When I get my mad money out on a Friday, and I go wandering on a Saturday and blow the whole wad for the week in three hours, it's depressing. But it's fun to get out and wander and do what I want because I want to, as opposed to Because I Want To, Damn It, which is less fun.

So now that I've realized what I'm doing, I should stop doing it.