Dec. 1st, 2012

dchenes: (katana)
I walked into my voice lesson today ready to resign from the recital next weekend and eat the $50 performance fee I'd already paid. Then I allowed myself to be talked out of resigning because there will only be six people singing, including me, and that's just enough to make renting the space worthwhile. I did put my foot down, though; I am not singing any more German art songs in recitals. Memorizing German takes up WAY too much of my brain space for several days. I got a pat on the head for having it memorized, though. Just don't ask me what it sounds like. (The high note sounds like an untuned oboe, in my opinion. I wasn't in particularly good voice today.) Fortunately the second song is much lower, much shorter, and in English.

There are too many things rolling around in my brain, and one of them is money, and I wish it wasn't. I have a hard time saving money in the winter because of the fuel bills, and in November/December it's even worse. The Hairy Beasts get their annual vet visit in November, and I travel for Thanksgiving, and December involves Christmas travel and presents and my ATA dues, and this year there's the $750 to the other guy's insurance company via Zipcar. It's not that I don't have the money for all of that stuff, but the fact that $1500 has come out of my savings account in November annoys me because I don't know if I'm going to be able to replace it before spring.

Meanwhile, I've got to lose some weight, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that. I eat too much when I'm stressed, and work is always stressful. Not working would be worse. I've also got my father's metabolism, which means I retain every calorie I consume. The obvious answer is "consume fewer calories", but somehow that never sticks when I try it. Maybe I should just come home every night and drink a quart of nice calming chamomile tea and wait two hours before I have any dinner. (No, I'm not serious about that. For one thing, I don't like chamomile tea enough to drink a quart of it.)

For various other reasons, it's been a tough fall to live through, and I'm tired. And grumpy. And cold a lot of the time, now that the sun sets at 4:30. I wish I knew what would make me happy, so I could start doing it.
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