blather, and the nature of bravery
Feb. 11th, 2006 03:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dchenesYesterday's errands got called on account of cramps. I hate that.
This morning I ended up going to Arlington to the cross stitch store to see if they had any patterns I liked. I finished the Spanish Wine sampler two days ago and I can't just sit and watch TV any more without stitching while I do it. Good thing I went, because the store is going internet-only next month, and I wouldn't have known that otherwise. Anyway, I ended up with two patterns, one of which I'm going to play with because I like the design but not the way it's presented. I also ordered a set of four patterns I've been wanting to at least own, if not actually stitch, for a while now.
After that I went back to Harvard Square, stuck my head in Cardullo's, went to TJ's in Coolidge Corner and did enough grocery shopping to get me through most of the week. I still have to go to the regular grocery store, if for no other reason than to take the bags back. They're taking over my kitchen again.
Now for something completely different...one of the Johari window adjectives is "brave", and somebody thinks I am. I've never considered myself particularly brave, in the "leap into a situation and save the day" sense. For the most part I'm perfectly content to follow somebody else who wants to lead. If you want to go do something to prove it isn't dangerous, you go right ahead. I'll do it once you've proven it's safe. However, every time I think about whether or not I'm brave, I remember something Yano Sensei said to me. He said I was one of the bravest people he knew, because I never worried about sparring with anybody, even people he wouldn't want to spar with. I never thought that was brave; I knew those people, and I trusted them not to hurt me. (The two times I did get hurt sparring were both accidents.) So what came across as bravery was because it never occurred to me to be afraid. It wasn't conscious bravery on my part, it was only an absence of fear (or presence of a degree of willful blindness and/or naïveté). Conscious bravery on my part (according to me) is doing something I know I'm afraid of. It's what happens every time I get to the top of a climbing wall and let go. I'm scared to death of what will happen if I let go and fall, and I have to face up to it and persuade myself to let go every single time.
My form of bravery, I guess, is a variation on "you can do anything as long as you don't know it's impossible."
This morning I ended up going to Arlington to the cross stitch store to see if they had any patterns I liked. I finished the Spanish Wine sampler two days ago and I can't just sit and watch TV any more without stitching while I do it. Good thing I went, because the store is going internet-only next month, and I wouldn't have known that otherwise. Anyway, I ended up with two patterns, one of which I'm going to play with because I like the design but not the way it's presented. I also ordered a set of four patterns I've been wanting to at least own, if not actually stitch, for a while now.
After that I went back to Harvard Square, stuck my head in Cardullo's, went to TJ's in Coolidge Corner and did enough grocery shopping to get me through most of the week. I still have to go to the regular grocery store, if for no other reason than to take the bags back. They're taking over my kitchen again.
Now for something completely different...one of the Johari window adjectives is "brave", and somebody thinks I am. I've never considered myself particularly brave, in the "leap into a situation and save the day" sense. For the most part I'm perfectly content to follow somebody else who wants to lead. If you want to go do something to prove it isn't dangerous, you go right ahead. I'll do it once you've proven it's safe. However, every time I think about whether or not I'm brave, I remember something Yano Sensei said to me. He said I was one of the bravest people he knew, because I never worried about sparring with anybody, even people he wouldn't want to spar with. I never thought that was brave; I knew those people, and I trusted them not to hurt me. (The two times I did get hurt sparring were both accidents.) So what came across as bravery was because it never occurred to me to be afraid. It wasn't conscious bravery on my part, it was only an absence of fear (or presence of a degree of willful blindness and/or naïveté). Conscious bravery on my part (according to me) is doing something I know I'm afraid of. It's what happens every time I get to the top of a climbing wall and let go. I'm scared to death of what will happen if I let go and fall, and I have to face up to it and persuade myself to let go every single time.
My form of bravery, I guess, is a variation on "you can do anything as long as you don't know it's impossible."
