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dchenesIt's amazing how fast I got to posting almost every day. Granted, not much of it is anything important. Here's another load of unimportant rambling for your enjoyment.
I turned 27 last month. Which is no big deal, numerically. 27 is a nice odd number, it divides by all sorts of other numbers, it comes after 26, etc. Chronologically, it seems to be a bigger deal than I want it to be. My mother had me when she was 27. She had been married for several years previous to that. Here I am at 27, single, with no desire to have kids. My biological clock seems to be ticking for marriage, not for children. The problem is, I don't want to have a biological clock yet, if at all.
I think part of my problem is I'm still not over the relationship that ended in January. I'm still looking for affection, and not finding any, and that's making me upset. On the other hand, I'm not looking very hard, because I know I shouldn't look at all until I can face a relationship without wanting it to be just like the last one. It won't be, I know that. Every relationship is different, because every person is different. Half the fun of a new relationship is finding out what the differences are between your new boyfriend and yourself, and him and the rest of the world, etc.
I've always known I've got a very large romantic streak. Unfortunately, it fights with my practical streak and the practical streak always wins. Sure, it would be nice to be swept off my feet tomorrow, but what happens later when I find out I've been swept off my feet by somebody with whom I have nothing in common? So I don't let myself get swept off my feet in the first place. I developed that talent in junior high, when I was the one who always got asked out as a joke. I got burned enough by that not to trust anybody for a very long time. It's why I've only ever dated 4 people in my life. I suspect I've done myself a disservice, but it was the only way I could think of as a teenager not to get hurt. It worked, but it didn't help, in the long run. I have no idea how to flirt with people, for instance.
I told myself, and I keep telling myself, that not flirting with people means they know what they're getting if they decide to start a relationship with me. I've always felt that flirting, and trying to come across as something I'm not, is a bad thing. For one thing, I can't act my way out of a paper bag, and for another, I don't like misrepresenting myself.
With that thought, work beckons, so I have to go type title slides.
I turned 27 last month. Which is no big deal, numerically. 27 is a nice odd number, it divides by all sorts of other numbers, it comes after 26, etc. Chronologically, it seems to be a bigger deal than I want it to be. My mother had me when she was 27. She had been married for several years previous to that. Here I am at 27, single, with no desire to have kids. My biological clock seems to be ticking for marriage, not for children. The problem is, I don't want to have a biological clock yet, if at all.
I think part of my problem is I'm still not over the relationship that ended in January. I'm still looking for affection, and not finding any, and that's making me upset. On the other hand, I'm not looking very hard, because I know I shouldn't look at all until I can face a relationship without wanting it to be just like the last one. It won't be, I know that. Every relationship is different, because every person is different. Half the fun of a new relationship is finding out what the differences are between your new boyfriend and yourself, and him and the rest of the world, etc.
I've always known I've got a very large romantic streak. Unfortunately, it fights with my practical streak and the practical streak always wins. Sure, it would be nice to be swept off my feet tomorrow, but what happens later when I find out I've been swept off my feet by somebody with whom I have nothing in common? So I don't let myself get swept off my feet in the first place. I developed that talent in junior high, when I was the one who always got asked out as a joke. I got burned enough by that not to trust anybody for a very long time. It's why I've only ever dated 4 people in my life. I suspect I've done myself a disservice, but it was the only way I could think of as a teenager not to get hurt. It worked, but it didn't help, in the long run. I have no idea how to flirt with people, for instance.
I told myself, and I keep telling myself, that not flirting with people means they know what they're getting if they decide to start a relationship with me. I've always felt that flirting, and trying to come across as something I'm not, is a bad thing. For one thing, I can't act my way out of a paper bag, and for another, I don't like misrepresenting myself.
With that thought, work beckons, so I have to go type title slides.
