I are teknolojical failure

For some reason I can't get web browsers to function at home, as of last night. The cable modem and router are working fine, but then when I open Firefox or Safari, it tries and tries and tries to load pages and then times out. I have no idea how to fix this, since it seems not to be a mechanical issue, and all the diagnostics I can find to look at are telling me that the computer and its associated connections are fine.

I also have no idea, despite reading the instructions six times, how to get my phone set to vibrate and not ring. I've done everything the instructions tell me to do, and it still won't quit ringing.

And, because things always come in threes, I'm not sure my iPod battery isn't dying.

I don't want this particular super power any more. I'll settle for my normal one: wherever I'm standing on a subway platform, the incoming train will stop such that there's a door within three feet of me.