sigh

[dchenes]

This is a very odd day. It's warm, and very windy, and alternately sunny and threatening to rain. It's one of those days in which, if I could do it, I would spend the entire day outside and not care if I got rained on. I think I'm coming up on needing one of those days anyway, since I've had a case of the fidgets in various forms for about a week now, and any night when I get to sleep before 2:00 is an oddity. I need to tire myself out.

I also need to stop dwelling on things I can't change. The fact is, as long as I'm a charity case, I can't afford to do most of the things I'd like to, and the list of things I absolutely won't do without has to undergo some serious pruning. Unfortunately, having had a steady income for several years, I got used to being able to do certain things without thinking about them. I hate the fact that when I go grocery shopping, I really have to ask myself three times whether I want to buy any single item over $3. I never used to have to do that. I never used to have to look at what I had bought and decide on that basis to put off buying certain other things until next week. I'm at the point where almost anything other than absolute basics is an indulgence, and any indulgence is a guilty pleasure, and I can't keep living like that. I need new shoes, because my sneakers are giving me sore feet, and new jeans, because my jeans are honestly falling apart, but I can't bring myself to spend the money.

I could, of course, suck it up and tell the art department that from now on I'll take modeling assignments for the 7:45 AM classes, but if my sleeping habits don't change, that's only going to make things worse.

Edit: I think I might sleep tonight. I went off to the computer lab and worked on my glossary project for about three hours. I don't hate MultiTerm quite so much any more; now I hate the concept of having to find citations for general knowledge. Since I'm working on a bilingual glossary, I have to find citations for the terms in both languages, independently. I wish I could get away with just taking the English definition and translating it into French. Then all I would have to worry about is finding context in both languages, which isn't quite so difficult, but takes longer.

Oh, and apparently it was 72 here today, and for the next week and a half the high temps will be in the mid-40s. It must be March.

Comments

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

have you had trouble sleeping? Can you get back into karate at school? Sometimes you need to wear out the body to shut the mind off. That might allow you to aim for those early assignments.

[dchenes.livejournal.com]

If "go to bed when tired, and then lie there unable to actually fall asleep until 2:00 or after" means I'm having trouble sleeping, then yes, I'm having trouble sleeping.

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

Eep! Still doing the crunches and push ups?

[melopoeia.livejournal.com]

exercise is good but -- are you having trouble sleeping because of worrying about money, or do you just have trouble sleeping as a matter of course? if noise doesn't keep you from sleeping listening to very placid Philip Glass might help. Or pretty much any Debussy.
I know Debussy always puts me to sleep.

[juliruge.livejournal.com]

I hear ya, chile'! I have been grappling with with that sensation since last winter just around the time when I started job hunting in earnest after I calculated my spending rate. I am pleased that my savings held out as long as it did, but it was not long enough! Now that I am unhappily employed, and have a masters project, a client in the US, and a local one, I still grapple with the desire to tell off my boss! There's just no winning this game, not where I am at right now.

New mantra. Change is good. Change is good.